30,000 feet in the air heading to Germany gives a girl time to reflect. I am heading up to spend time with my husband as he is here for a week and we are so sickeningly in love that we just couldn’t be apart. But seriously, I fall in love with him more every day as we continue to grow through this experience. It’s crazy. Could be the hormones, but I love it! Enough of that? Okay then, on to some recent thoughts.
As I close out my second trimester of pregnancy, my thoughts continue to deepen in every aspect of my life. As I had mentioned before, initial easy acceptance of being pregnant has been an uphill battle for me. That is not to say that I am not excited, but that there has been and is so much to process emotionally and mentally as our little man continues to grow in my belly. And boy am I processing. It is overwhelming at times. I tend to be an all or nothing person, and so I pile a lot on my plate along side my very high expectations which may not always be healthy. I am trying to remember to be gracious, grateful and gentle with myself as I am learning every day what this means to me. That being said, this baby boy is so real now, with his very animated karate kicks and gymnastic flips I can’t help but get a sense of that all boy personality. You know the definition: Boy: (Noun) A loud noise with dirt on it. That always makes me laugh.
So much has changed in the last few months. During my 20th week my husband and I were sent into downtown Naples for our anatomy ultrasound, as our hospital facilities don’t have the technology to do this one. This particular appointment, for those of you who didn’t know, is where you can learn the sex of the baby if you choose to. It was an experience to say the least. Being our first baby, we decided to learn the sex. I am a planner and needed to know decorate. I have priorities you know.
We were sent downtown with a driver, as driving downtown is incredibly stressful and said driver is also supposed to be your translator. When we arrived we were immediately left to our own devices haha. The driver probably needed a cafe or something. Understandable, who doesn’t?
As we sat in the doctors office, straining to understand what the doctors were saying, one of them pointed to the table, so I hopped up. I gestured to communicate my question: “Do you need me to lower the waistband of my pants?” for the ultrasound? She nodded yes, and at the same time with the room door wide open she deftly pulled down my pants with impressive force. Luckily, I am not shy because that door remained open most of the appointment with a few different staff members walking in and out. No one seemed to be bothered, so I chose not to be as well.
The ultrasound tech was on my right digging into my belly, somewhat painfully at times, at a rapid pace. On my left was my husband and another doctor who knew a few words of English. We had not yet communicated whether or not we wanted to know the sex of the baby, but the next few minutes flew by and went a little like this…
Doctor: (Please read this in your best Italian accent but as emotionless as possible)
“[This] is heart, normal. [This] is lip (just one), normal. Is spine, normal. Is stomach, normal. Is male. Is spleen, normal. Is kidneys, normal… “
See what he did there? He continued on as nonchalantly as ever as my husband and I looked at each other wondering if we had just heard what we did. In shock, I just stopped listening. Before I knew it, they were done and we just kind of laughed. A few minutes later another doctor came in, who spoke English very well and was a bit more thorough. He explained that the baby boy, yes indeed, it was a he, looks very good and there are really no issues that they can see. He took another look to confirm the sex and said, “It is a boy… a BIG boy.” We laughed and I blushed as if a body part discussion was so uncomfortable for me. But seriously, he will grow into his parts… Right?
We look back on that appointment and laugh. Often. If you don’t want to know the sex of your child, and are being seen in Naples, Italy, make very sure you say something because it was as natural as the sun rising and setting for this man to tell you exactly that, when you are least prepared. I’m not sure what I expected, maybe some excitement or emotion, but it was so clinical that it was also comical. We left with that information and went back to processing. I was pretty set on having a girl. My husband knew this. I needed time to think, to just sit with the information for a minute so we went for a coffee to talk a bit about our news and he ever so gently explained that he was excited to have a boy, but also excited that I would still be his princess. Le Sigh. He couldn’t be better at this stuff! It was the perfect thing to say to the over-analyzing and emotional me.
Since then I have been miss DIY with regards to the nursery. I will write a little post with photos soon! Just looking for the perfect rocking chair, which, in Italy, is proving to be very difficult. Thankfully, my husband is also very supportive here. In an earlier post I mentioned my fear of losing myself, my individuality and my creative side. However, because of this little boy, I have been able to remember what it is like to create. To play. I am enjoying it immensely.
Many people say that a nursery is a waste of money and that you will never use it. But for me, it is where I can throw my energy and help cultivate positive thoughts and experiences surrounding all of this. It allows the creative side of me to come out and prepare for the relationship that I will one day have with my son. It is bigger than just a room. It is a way of me preparing emotionally and expressing my love. So to those who think it is a waste of time, more power to you. I’m jealous you saved the dollars. However it is important to me, so [nursery] game on.
As we are beginning to count down, we continue to take things one day at a time. The excitement is creeping in. I wish it would slow down a bit! The whole thing, not the excitement. Third trimester already?! Deep breath. Bring on more physical changes and emotional roller coasters. I have an army of support behind me and couldn’t be happier or more thankful knowing that.
Until next time dear reader… Blessings.